Not an apology

I'm not going to apologize for not posting. I'm not going to apologize for not posting. I'm not going to apologize for not posting.

It's not like anyone reads this, anyway, so it doesn't really matter. Which is why I'm not going to apologize.

I've neglected my blog terribly - in truth, I quite forgot I had it - but life has gone on regardless. Things have changed since February, as they have a tendency to do. Chances are, I'm a slightly different person than I was then. But, of course, you (whoever you are) don't know about any of those things, because you haven't heard from me in months. So, let me sum up.

I took the AP Biology final. I took the AP Biology test. I did very well on the final. I may have failed the test. The stress that built up before this test was suddenly relieved when it was over, like a valve being opened, and now life is calm again.

I went on Search. That was a big deal. One weekend - just two nights - but it changed my life. I can't say anything about it here, of course, in case little eyes are prying - let me just say that it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life.

I took the SAT. Also a major event. I do not think that I failed it. That is good.

I went to State. I acquitted myself well in Expos (although not well enough to reach the finals round), if not so well in Oratory. Overall, the results were more or less what I expected, and at least I enjoyed myself. I'm ready to return with a vengence next year.

I finished the debate season. Tournament time is over, and now we simply must sit in class and wait for the end of the year, doing pointless assignments in an attempt to scrape out something that could be called learning.

I went to the JCL convention. Despite my lack of preparation, I came out with multiple awards - probably more than I deserved - most notably first in mythology. That's definitely an achievement.

I've failed to get a job. Still working on that one. I've applied everywhere that's come up, but nothing's come of it yet. We'll see.

Those are the highlights of the last few months for me. I've grown and changed, and I'm getting ready to head into Senior year. Time's flown, but I think I'm keeping up with it. I'm going to have a go at keeping this blog up, so we'll see what happens with that. See you soon!

Waiting for the World to Fall

I'm afraid its been too long
To try to find the reasons why
Watched my world close in around
Smaller patch of fading sky
But now I've grown beyond the walls
To where I've never been
And its still winter in my wonderland
-Waiting for the World to Fall, by Jars of Clay

It's too late to ask why. It's too late to wonder, "Why me?", "Why now?". It's too late to ask how this could have happened, or who was responsible for it. We're trapped behind walls that we built ourselves, stuck between two mirrors. The world we can see is the same world we've always seen. The more questions we have, the fewer we can answer. And the questions that we have aren't answerable, in this life, at least. But we convince ourselves that we can find an answer. That somehow if we just think about it the right way, we can understand.

But it's too late to ask why. Our worlds close in around us, and we don't understand. We can't understand. The sky is fading out of view, and all we can do is look at it and ask "why?". We don't do anything - we just watch, and question, and refuse to act until we understand, when we can't ever understand. Questioning isn't always the way to find the answer. For many questions, we won't be able to find an answer by ourselves. We just trap ourselves in the same net of confusion and questions that we've woven for ourselves.

So let's stop asking. Let's stop seeking an answer that we can't find by ourselves. It's been too long to find the reasons why, and while we've been searching, everything that we have has been fading. Let's trust, let's give in, and let's see where we end up. Stop asking, just for a moment. Stop wondering why this is happening, or where it is going to end up. Just let it happen. It will end up somewhere, and that's all we need to know. We can't understand why. We just have to trust that it's for the best and that, in the end, we'll be just where we need to be.

I'm waiting for the world to fall
I'm waiting for the scene to change
I'm waiting when the colors fall
I'm waiting to let my world come undone.

Tree of Life

During the long weekend I made this pendant, and it's had me thinking.

The design is the "Tree of Life" - it's very popular in the beading world right now. What I love most about it is its symbolism. It represents something different to many different people, from many different cultures. Personally, I see two main symbols in it, with an interesting contrast. Firstly there is the Christian symbol, coming from the tree of life in Genesis. (The tree is also a symbol of God - I am the vine and you are the branches). The second meaning is found in modern biology - that of the phylogenetic tree, representing evolution. The tree, first drawn by Darwin, shows the branching of all species from a center trunk.

The conflict between science and religion is age old. However, as I'm glad to note, humans are beginning to realize that the two do not cancel each other out. Most Christians, including myself, accept that Genesis is not a historical account of facts. It has symbolic meaning, not literal. It tells us that God created the universe and everything in it. If we look at this meaning, not just the literal meaning, evolution fits right in. Evolution was, I think, a tool used by God to create all living things.

A key question in Biology today is as to the origins of life. Urey and Miller, to give one example, proved that chemicals could combine to make organic compounds, and perhaps living things. But is that really life? Is all we are a series of chemical reactions? I believe that in the beginning of life, and the evolution of the species of the world, we can see God's hand guiding and shaping it all.

That's what this pendant represents to me - the joining of science and religion. It's a fascinating topic, and one that I hope the world will explore further in the years to come. My necklace just reminds me that science and faith can be one - they don't have to be torn apart.

Let's start here

Here's who I am: Someone living in a crazy world trying to make sense out of it. Along the way, I plan to enjoy myself. Will I sort everything out? No. But it'll be an awesome ride. This is my blog. It'll have a good bit of knitting on it, I expect. Lots of making. I'll talk about my music, and my books. I'll talk about politics, and you'll probably hear more about whatever the current debate topic is than you care to know. I'm sure that baking will sneak its way in somehow, and school can never be far away.

This is my attempt to chronicle a life. This is my way of making sense of the insanities of the world. This is a world put into words.